Master Uncomfortable Conversations

 
 
 

“A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”

 

- Tim Ferriss

 

The ability to handle conflict and be calm in the face of pressure is an essential skill at work and in our personal lives. A person who can confidently and skillfully engage in an uncomfortable conversation without hesitation enjoys better relationships and leads with more ease.

Like public speaking and sales, the ability to have an uncomfortable conversation is a set of competencies and emotional mastery that can be learned. Focused guidance around this skill set, however, is often overlooked in corporate training and academic education.

To be comfortable in uncomfortable situations, we need to build technical skills, emotional intelligence and self-mastery.

Technical skills include:

  • Building rapport and trust

  • Discovering interests and positions

  • Creating and maintaining collaborative intent

  • Expert listening skills (beyond active listening)

  • How to name the elephant in the room

Personal Mastery Components:

  • Being deliberate about your BEING

  • Let go of people-pleasing

  • Awareness and tools for reducing emotional reactivity

  • Awareness and tools for clarifying facts vs. “stories”

  • The ability to be fully present

To become more skillful with uncomfortable conversations, simply choose one topic to explore at a time, study it, and then seek focused practice of that skill. Then move on to another. There are many ways to grow the various skill components - from books & videos to courses & coaching. Here are a few books I recommend:

  • Crucial Converations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, et al.

  • You're Not Listening, by Kate Murphy

  • The Book of Beautiful Questions, by Warren Berger

  • Positive Intelligence, by Shirzad Chamine

The framework I’ve created for guiding leaders on how to be more effective at the multi-faceted art of skillful conversations.

Books are great starting points for understanding concepts and techniques. While information can be very helpful, what holds most people back isn’t lack of technique. It’s the inability to master one’s own flow of thoughts, impulses and emotions. So, be sure you also study the emotional self-mastery aspects that make confident and effective execution possible.

Anyone can build a strong “uncomfortable conversations” skill set. And those skills are applicable to all aspects of interpersonal effectiveness.

Enjoy your discoveries in this highly worthwhile pursuit!