Pathways to Skillful Networking

I encourage people who want to get better at networking to study both interpersonal skills and emotional self-mastery. Each of us has our own ideas about what is “difficult,” and what we want to get better at. Interacting with new people in seemingly challenging situations can mean a high-stakes presentation in front of a large audience, or a 1-on-1 conversation at a social event. Regardless of current skill or confidence level, we can all grow our ability to be calm and fluent in any environment, while talking with anyone.

Understanding and regularly playing outside of your comfort zones is an effective general way to teach yourself not to fear rejection, judgement, or failure. Education and experiential training will build the abilities necessary to be proficient. Create a strategy on how to do that, and then go take action.

Below are some suggested resources that can accelerate your journey toward being as skilled and confident as you’d like:

YouTube videos:

  • How to get someone to like you | Vanessa Van Edwards -> here

  • The Science of Building Genuine Friendships | David Robson & Chris Williamson -> here

  • The 5 Vocal Foundations of Great Communication | Vinh Giang -> here

  • How to talk to anyone with ease and confidence | Vanessa Van Edwards -> here

  • Reframing anxiety and disempowering emotions | Sam Harris -> here

  • The science behind mindfulness and how to meditate | Dr. Elena Antonova -> here

  • The Power of Introverts | Susan Cain -> here

  • How to make stress your friend | Kelly McGonigal | TED -> here

  • Don’t reschedule networking meetings | CareerShakers -> here

Book Recommendations:

Skills and Strategies:

  • Captivate, by Vanessa Van Edwards

  • You're Not Listening, by Kate MurphyNever Eat Alone, by Keith Ferrazzi

  • How to Win Friends & Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

  • The Book of Beautiful Questions, by Warren Berger

  • The Charisma Myth, by Olivia Fox Cabane

Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness:

  • Rejection Proof, by Jia Jiang

  • The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer 

  • Mindset, by Carol Dweck

  • Waking Up, by Sam Harris

  • Letting Go, by David Hawkins

  • Positive Intelligence, by Shirzad Chamine

Being Well-Rounded and Current Helps:

Simply showing up to a conversation with a curious and generous mindset will get you very far. While that is a great start, the ability to engage in conversation about a wide range of topics will add to your confidence and fluency. There is world of knowledge out there. I encourage you to develop an excitement for learning about many topics - even ones that don’t seem to have a direct practical use in your life.

Being well-rounded in your knowledge will create more opportunities for intriguing conversations. If you’re looking for suggested authors, the Wisdom Journal section of this website (here) has multiple categories of knowledge that refer to many of my favourite writers.

For current events, subscribing to newsletters that email you curated articles from credible sources is a great way to be a stay current …if that is one of your goals. I would also suggest seeking opposing points of view. Even if a particular media outlet espouses perspectives that are contrary to how you think, understanding those views can still be useful.

You’ll need to do your own research based on what you consider credible and useful, but in case it helps, I like these newsletters:

Additional Training:

If you’re keen to go deeper through focused training on specific skills, here are some programs I’ve done that I can recommend:

Devote Time and Attention:

A powerful “secret to success” that I learned from the works of Steve Chandler is to simply devote your time and attention to the subject of importance. If you want to get great at networking, for example, just devote time and attention to learning and practicing it. As obvious as that sounds, how often do you hear people say that they’d do (important action in question) if only they had the time. We have time. When we say we don’t, we often mean we’ve prioritized something else to do.

Put another way, our true priorities are what we spend our time, money, and energy on - not what we say our priorities are. It may be true in some instances that there really isn’t any more capacity for a highly important activity. The key is knowing if we’re being honest with ourselves when assessing this. Our fears can be sneaky that way. What often feels like a logical decision can in fact be an emotional response to some kind of fear.

One way of overcoming resistance to devoting time and attention to something important is to create useful habits. A great book on the fundamentals of creating empowering habits is Atomic Habits, by James Clear.

Questions

Being introspective and answering questions that lead to higher self-awareness can drive clarity and action. Consider journaling your answers to these self-coaching questions:

  • Why is becoming a fearless and effective networker important to you?

  • On a scale from 1 to 10, how important is it?

  • How are you honouring this level of importance through your actions?

If you know increasing your commitment to this is a worthy pursuit:

  • What areas of focus deserve more time and attention?

  • What is one specific next action you can do?

  • Will you do it?

  • What would help you be accountable to doing this action or new habit?

How to Reach Out to People

See this page for some collected ideas on how to effectively reach out to people, conduct an initial conversation, and initiate a relationship with someone you don’t know well or have never met. The principles are expressed in the context of reaching out to an expert or VIP you don’t know, but the ideas are applicable to even people you’ve met before but don’t yet have a close relationship with.

It’s important to point out that while I’ve enjoyed the contents listed here, personal development is not a one-size-fits-all path. For all of the suggestions, you’ll want to consider the potential fit for your specific needs.

Enjoy the journey!